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Satire (possibly). 5 adorable excuses for using a landline in 2017


Subtitled for our younger readers, "Goofy 5h1t that old people say"

Our sales team has pried many a handset out of the death grips of hypnotized, headset-wearing cord-hogs. While there are some valid reasons to hang onto your landline phone, here are a few cheap excuses we've heard along the way...

1. "Wrapping myself up in the cord is my longstanding cure for boredom."

Easy one – get a Fidget Cube

2. "Landlines are more affordable than newer digital telecom technology."

Have you ever actually looked at your phone bill? The majors in the industry work hard to hold onto their inflated prices, while technological innovation has allowed a diverse array of new communication platform options to emerge. In fact, these days you can get a lot of communication functionality (voice, text, video, etc.) with a stable internet connection, speakers, and a mic.

3. "I'm afraid if I ditch my old landline and go totally digital, the hackers will steal everything I have."

Have you ever tried to hack a cloud? Their fluffy nature may offer a false sense of insecurity, but, its tough to get anything out of those massive cotton balls. Oh… wrong cloud; but same idea. Cloud data storage has become a massive industry, and global standards that regulate it have become proportionally stringent about security. System breaches can happen for any number of reasons. But the path of least resistance for hackers is often through proprietary software, which generally has the biggest target on its back. Thanks to the cloud, CPaaS is giving users the freedom to develop their own unique, secure communication channels.

4. "I'm just too lazy to upgrade."

That's cool… we get it…we all enjoy a Sunday, or a Tuesday, on the couch. But lazy people love "as a service" models! Just like Postmates can deliver a pizza to your bathroom, CPaaS offers the opportunity to communicate where you want. You'll be conference calling from anywhere in no time; just make sure to wear pants.

5. "Being attached to a wall makes me feel grounded."

We've got no solve here, you should probably stick with your cord.

Oh, and you want to be worshiped in Albania? Yep, this should do the trick...

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